Naughty or Nice

Naughty or Nice: Nice Advertising Agency

2011-01-11T14:34:00.000-08:00

Naughty or Nice: Nice Advertising Agency

Nice Advertising Agency

2011-01-11T14:30:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to draw your attention to a great new ad agency called ech0 based in Derby. Everybody connected with them is on the nice list!

Advertising Agency Derby

Derby SEO

More DNA info!

2010-12-12T00:59:00.000-08:00

A few of you have asked for more info about DNA tests.

I think the thing to stress is that its not just the preserve of the Jerry Springer show, its a great way to find out more about your family tree, how your body reacts to different drugs, the type of illness you need to guard against. Very useful stuff this DNA testing!

For more info about DNA and DNA tests, i'd check out 23andme.com.

DNA testing on the nice list!

2010-12-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

Santa is a big fan of the DNA work carried out by 23andme.

With a simple saliva sample they help you gain insight into your genetic traits, from baldness to muscle performance. Discover risk factors for 92 diseases. Know your predicted response to drugs, from blood thinners to coffee. And uncover your ancestral origins.

In addition they've got a special offer of $99 up till Xmas which is a massive 80% saving on the normal price of $499.

That means it makes a great Xmas present. A friend of mine actually bought it for himself and his doctor told him those results would transform the way he is medically treated from now on.

A worthy entrant on to the nice list in my book.

Put someone on the naughty list!

2006-12-11T09:47:00.000-08:00

Things are running a bit behind here at the North Pole this year, the Naughty list isn't up to date and unless you help it might not be ready to load the sleigh on Christmas Eve.

Thankfully, the techno-elves have come up with a great solution! They've devised a great programme that enables you to tell me of someone who's been naughty this year.

All you need to do is go to Santa's Naughty List here, fill in the very short form and it will automatically tell me who should be getting a lump of coal this Christmas!

I'll then send them an email telling them off for being naughty!

Don't worry it's anonymous so they won't know it's you that's told on them!

Thanks for your help!

Santa

Nasa go to the moon and the nice list.

2006-12-05T10:04:00.000-08:00

It's nice when somebody whom I'd previously put on the Naughty List manages to redeem themselves and get back on to the Nice list.

NASA have just done that..

Todays announcement that they are planning to set up an International base on the moon within the next 15 years is exacly the sort of stuff that Nasa should be doing (not losing tapes of the original moon landing!). Talking about astronomical (get it?) costs can wait. Today is a day to just contemplate the acheivements of man.

NASA is there to capture our imaginations, to dream of the impossible and make it a reality and today guys you did just that. Welcome back to the nice list.

Santa.

A smoker on the nice list?

2006-12-04T16:16:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't normally put a smoker on the nice list because I think its a disgusting, harmful addiction. But I was amused by the hulaballoo surrounding Scott Rodrigues of Buzzards Bay Massachusetts.

Scott was fired from his job as a gardener by The Scotts Company when he failed the companies drug testing policy. His urine tested positive for nicotine. The company has a policy of not hiring smokers even though this is illegal discrimination in 30 of the 50 states. Albeit Mass. isn't one of them.

Rodrigues has opted to sue his former employer under civil rights and privacy legistlation touting the novel idea that what he does in his own time, as long as it's not illegal, is and should be, his own business.

Even better though was the revelation that Scott was trying to quit at the time and to assist had been chewing nicotine gum on his way to the test!

Just for the sheer irony, he gets a spot on the nice list.

Santa.

Michael Richards on the naughty list.

2006-12-03T15:59:00.000-08:00

You probably best know him as Kramer from much loved TV show Seinfeld.

Guests at LA comedy club The Laugh Factory last Friday night on the other hand know Micheal Richards as an obscene racist.

Facing heckling from two black audience members, Richards completely lost it on stage and launched a racist, obscene, vile tirade at Frank Mcbride and Kyle Doss. Richards claimed provocation - They claimed he wasn't funny. I think he proved them right.

Richards first move was to hire PR expert Howard Rubenstein and since then he's been following the in-trouble celebrity's mantra, apologise quickly and often. Rev. Jeese Jackson took the opportunity to deliver a public dressing down on his Radio show and Richards has also expressed contrition on the Letterman Show but it may not be enough to save his career. It's hard not question his sincerity, is he really sorry for the wrong he did? Or is he just sorry for the damage he's done to his career?

Either way, when Mel Gibson feels sorry for you, you know that you're in trouble.

It does raise the question, why do we expect TV and movie stars to be role models?The assumption that there is inherent goodness there, or even a modicum of wisdom, is as flawed as confusing fiction with life. We got to look at a tiny real-life slice of Michael Richards, and what emerged is a new image that will be hard to erase: KKKramer.

Santa.

BA stands for Bad Attitude?

2006-11-25T09:15:00.000-08:00

Keep this up and people are going to think that Santa has a problem with the Worlds Airlines. Because after adding the loathsome Michael O'Leary and his equally loathsome Ryan Air to the Naughty List I find myself left with no choice but to add British Airways to it too!

This time though BA's actions have identified a candidate for the Nice List as well...in the form of The Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams who stood up to the airline on a point of principle and forced them to back down in a row over whether a check-in worker could openly wear a crucifix on a necklace at work.

British Airway had banned Nadia Eweida from wearing her necklace on the grounds that it "could cause offense". Quite how a tiny symbol of Nancy's Christian faith could cause offense is beyond Santa but BA despite being happy to profit by selling similar items in its duty free service felt that it could.

Up stepped Archbishop Dr Williams who rightly pointed out to BA that the Church owns $20million dollars worth of shares in BA amongst its investment portfolio not to mention having sway with the congregation of the Church of England and the 77million members of the worldwide Anglican community. In the face of such a threat BA appear to be reviewing its policy regarding their tolerance towards religious symbolism.

Not before time either, especially for an airline that carries the flags of St George, St Andrew and St Patrick on their tail fins!

Clearly British Airways hadn't kept their moral compasses pointed at the North Pole. Lets hope they have learned their lesson.

love

Santa.

Britney Spears Kevin.

2006-11-14T15:17:00.000-08:00

The theme of Santa's Naughty or Nice list today is modern life.

We've seen both Britney Spears and soon to be ex-husband K-Fed land on the Naughty list this week. Britney in one of the most souless acts since her last divorce, decided that Text message was the appropriate forum to disolve her marriage. And then went ice skating.

For his part Kevin didn't seem too upset. If shouting from a stage the next day "you know I'm free man, right, ladies? You wanna dance with a pimp?" was in any way an indication....

Both have been Naughty and both will find Santa's Christmas sack a very lonely place.

On the positive side, Santa would like to throw his weight behind the Gadget Shows campaign for free Wifi across the UK's towns and cities. Such technology cost the city of Norwich around 1.5million so it is possible. We'd now like to see it everywhere else. Join the campaign by going to http://gadgetshow.five.tv/campaign/wifi/

Keep those moral compasses pointed at the North Pole.

Santa.

Double Exposure for Miss Great Britain.

2006-11-05T09:13:00.000-08:00

Danielle Lloyd - winner of this year's Miss Great Britain has talked herself onto Santa's Naughty List!

It's probably a good thing that they don't include an IQ test along with the world peace speaches and swimwear contest because if they did, she most likely wouldn't have got near the crown in the first place.

Danielle's crime? Well it isn't appearing topless in Playboy (although she has done that too!) no it's going out with West Ham United striker Teddy Sherringham. Dating West Ham footballer's won't in itself earn you a lump of coal on Christmas morning (the Elf council voted against my view on that one!) but when that aforementioned footballer was one of the judges at the Miss Great Britain contest and in fact the only one that voted for Miss Lloyd then questions start getting asked.

Miss Lloyd maintained that she only met him after the February event but there are three of us that know different. You see, Miss Lloyd's Christmas present last year was a pair of $10000 Jimmy Choo shoes courtesy of Teddy...two months before the contest....

She was due a lump of coal anyway for the deceit but I prefer to let the cheats expose themselves...it's a skill proving useful for Miss Lloyd after her Playboy shoot. And she exposed herself again in a magazine interview when she unwittingly revealed her Christmas secret. Leading to her being stripped of her title. Your stockings won't be quiet so desirable this Christmas dear...

Santa.

You're not singing anymore!

2006-11-03T16:25:00.000-08:00

It was a match marred by V-signs and foul language - and that was just the half-time entertainment.

Singing twins Francine and Nicola Gleadall were taunted and booed by a section of the 29,000-strong football crowd there to watch local rivals Sheffield and Barnsley compete) as they performed their debut single.

So the 18 year-olds responded with obscene gestures and Nicola told fans to f*** off. But after complaints from spectators, the girls - who perform as Twin (because you know, they are twins!) - were arrested for using insulting words and behaviour. They spent two hours at a police station, were given £60 fixed penalty tickets, and earned a spot on Santa's naughty list.

The girls should have kept their mouths shut. Which ironically what most people who have heard their single have suggested as well!

Santa.

Theirry Henry wasn't booed.

2006-10-31T01:06:00.000-08:00

As proved by Anthony Kastrinakis sports "writer" at The News Of The World, telling outright lies is a way to get yourself on Santa's Naughty List.

His report of the Arsenal vs Everton game featured a suggestion that Arsenal fans barracked and booed arguably the worlds best footballer Thierry Henry. I was at the game and sat not too far away from Mr Kastrinakis as it so happens, so I am in a postiion to refute his claims. There was mutterings of discontent if a pass went astray for sure but booing? Never.

There is a responsibility that Mr Kastrinakis has to his readers. Many many football fans rely on match reports for information about the game. Mistakes can happen and you understand it if a journalist writes that Frank Lampard took a free kick when it was actually John Terry or something like that, but when stories are made up and presented as "facts" it's just wrong.

What was Anthony thinking? It seems likely that he was just trying to sell a few more papers. It was designed to stir up trouble where there is none. Presumably so that he could whip up the Henry to Barcelona stories again.

It's bad, lazy journalism and for that he deserves his lump of coal.

Santa.

The Phantom Menace.

2006-10-30T14:40:00.000-08:00

One sure fire way to get on Santa's naughty list is to misbehave this Halloween.

It might seem funny to egg somebody's house at the time, but you should think twice, it's only a short time to Christmas and working off mean tricks isn't easy in just two months! You're pretty much guaranteed a one way trip on the Polar Express to sack of coal'sville!

That said, enter into the spirit of things! Everything in moderation, so whilst Santa doesn't ever advocate unhealthy eating, one night isn't going to do too much harm! Feel totally free to ignore the frankly crazy PC advice of Flickety KnowItSome , Krystle , Sondra C , and Ben Rubenstein who advocate healthy treats for Trick or Treators over at http://www.wikihow.com/Give-Healthy-Treats-for-Halloween now you just know their houses are going to take some serious abuse if they practice what they preach.

Have fun but behave and don't undo 10 months good work getting on the Nice list by having a mad five minutes and ending up on the naughty list!

Keep those moral compasses pointed at the North Pole!

Santa.

Ryan Air the Naughtiest Airline!

2006-10-29T03:44:00.000-08:00

It seems it isn't just Santa that dislikes Ryan Air.

Online travel service Trip Advisor polled over 4000 people for their opinions on a host of travel related issues. Can you guess who was voted the "worst" airline? Yep, that's right permanent naughty list member Michael o'Leary's Ryan Air.

Those polled sited reason such as cramped seating, unfriendly staff and delays.This is a company, let us not forget that makes its staff pay for their own uniforms and training.Its a little known fact that Santa doesn't use the Sleigh all year round, simply put after a night in which me and the boys get round nearly 6bn homes, the Reindeer are too exhausted! I have to take flights and subsequently I have sampled the service provided by airline carriers all over the world.

Without doubt the worst is Ryan Air. What particular annoys me is the way their baggage policy is hidden away so that they can extort more money from their passengers. What's more it is totally non-sensical. If there are 4 of you traveling then you each have an allowance of 15kg. That's a total of 60Kg right? So far so good.

Ryan air are all about turn around times to keep their costs low ok? So it would make sense for them to load that 60kg in one bag, two bags even three bags wouldn't it? That would be quicker than loading 4 bags surely. Not to Ryan Air it wouldn't.Ryan air would charge you in the region of $120 dollars for you trying to help them turn around baggage quickly.Then in the ultimate hypocrisy Ryan Air try to sue the British Government for implementing baggage checks to protect its subjects from terrorist attacks.

The reason? Apparently they slow down baggage check-in.Here's a thought Mr O'Leary try looking at your own policies first.I'd leave him a big bag of coal this Christmas but he'd probably find a way to sell it.

Keep those moral compasses pointed at the North Pole.

Santa.

Ryan Air Officially Worst Airline!

2006-10-29T03:08:00.000-08:00

It seems it isn't just Santa that dislikes Ryan Air.

Online travel service Trip Advisor polled over 4000 people for their opinions on a host of travel related issues. Can you guess who was voted the "worst" airline? Yep, that's right permanent naughty list member Michael o'Leary's Ryan Air. Those polled sited reason such as cramped seating, unfriendly staff and delays.

This is a company, let us not forget that makes its staff pay for their own uniforms and training.

Its a little known fact that Santa doesn't use the Sleigh all year round, simply put after a night in which me and the boys get round nearly 6bn homes, the Reindeer are too exhausted! I have to take flights and subsequently I have sampled the service provided by airline carriers all over the world.

Without doubt the worst is Ryan Air. What particular annoys me is the way their baggage policy is hidden away so that they can extort more money from their passengers. What's more it is totally non-sensical. If there are 4 of you traveling then you each have an allowance of 15kg. That's a total of 60Kg right? So far so good.

Ryan air are all about turn around times to keep their costs low ok? So it would make sense for them to load that 60kg in one bag, two bags even three bags wouldn't it? That would be quicker than loading 4 bags surely. Not to Ryan Air it wouldn't.

Ryan air would charge you in the region of $120 dollars for you trying to help them turn around baggage quickly.

Then in the ultimate hypocrisy Ryan Air try to sue the British Government for implementing baggage checks to protect its subjects from terrorist attacks. The reason? Apparently they slow down baggage check-in.

Here's a thought Mr O'Leary try looking at your own policies first.

I'd leave him a big bag of coal this Christmas but he'd probably find a way to sell it.

Keep those moral compasses pointed at the North Pole.

Santa.

Sir David Beckham

2006-10-20T15:58:00.000-07:00

Whispers coming out ofWhitehall suggest that David Beckham is to be knighted on the next honours list. That would make him Sir David Beckham and of course Lady Victoria Beckham.

Am I the only one who remembers just how badly David let his country down during the 1998 World Cup? And isn't the whole point of a knighthood that it's a reward for great services for one's country? Thought so.

Santa.

Fallen Madonna?

2006-10-18T15:23:00.000-07:00

Well, i've been forced to step away from my computer today where I have been working on getting http://www.naughtyornice.co.uk ready in time for Christmas so that I could consult with the senior Elf council on this business with Madonna.

It's pretty rare that it is not immediately clear whether somebody belongs on the Naughty List or the Nice List, but in this case I have to admit - I am stumped.

There are rational compelling arguments for Madonna to be placed on either list. For example, she is giving 13 month old David Banda a chance at a life that he would never have had. One where he will never have have to worry about where his next meal is coming from, where he will have access to a superb education and comfort beyond the reach of 99.99999999% of the worlds citizens. And most importantly in a famiy where he can be loved and cherished. Lets not forget that Madonna has also pledged a sizable sum of money to help lift other Malawian children out of poverty.

On the other hand there is a suspicion that David's 18month long (for now) interim adoption looks like a shopping trip. Madonna flys in for a couple of days (circumventing adoption rules in the process) and then flys out with a baby under her arm...or rather the arm of one of her bodyguards. Sadly, there are unpleasant echos of baby trading in the whole thing. Still at least its not Mia Farrow doing the adopting otherwise David may have ended up married to Woody Allen!!

There are concerns about whether it is right for David to be placed in a family so far from his home. Often children transplanted from their natural environment suffer with attachment problems. I hope for David's sake that Madonna and Guy Richie have taken that into account.

The Elf council is split right down the middle - 6 for Naughty, 6 for Nice. I have the casting vote.

So here's what we are going to do....I'm going to let you decide whether Madonna belongs on the naughty or the nice list, just leave a comment or simply "naughty" or "nice" and i'll total them up and that will determine how I will cast my vote.

Keep that moral compass pointed at the North Pole!

Santa.

Steve Maclaren on the naughty list

2006-10-11T14:58:00.000-07:00

Not even Max Cliffords famed PR skills is going to save Steve Maclaren from the English Press tomorrow and nor should they.

Many of you may not know this but for the next few months Santa is an honourary Englishman, I like to leave the Elves to get on with preparing my Christmas Day Sack full of toys for the Nice and Coal (not Cole) for the naughty whilst I live amoungst a people of this globe. This year I chose England.

After watching tonights debacle, I wonder if I made the right choice. There is no shame in losing, but there is shame in losing without seeming to rouse any effort. The 3-5-2 formation was wrong, the personnel are wrong (Frank Lampard should not be playing for England) and the FA got it wrong when they picked Stevie Mac. Sven took the blame for Englans poor showing in the World Cup but now we are seeing Mr Maclaren is equally culpable. Steve is on the naughty list.

A sportsman on the Nice list is Ian Botham. Beefy Botham was a fine cricketer who ALWAYS played with passion in his countries colours but what he has done since is even more remarkable. Ian has just topped the eight million pound mark in his quest to raise money for cancer charities. He's done this by walking the length and bredth of the UK. Truly a heroic effort from a remarkable man. Even Beefy passes your door - dig deep into your pockets.

Finally back to the naughty ones - David Blunkett revealed in his diaries that Gordon Brown was threatened with the sack by Tony Blair if he did not publically support Britains was effort in Iraq. Are we supposed to buy that? Does the labour party spin machine not think that the British public can spot an attempt to remove a thorny issue from the side of their next leader prior to a 2007 General Election? Because they can. Coal all round this Christmas Day methinks.

Keep thosse moral compasses pointed at the North Pole.

Santa.

Naughty or nice - you decide!

2006-10-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

It's a very quick blog today, because the elves and I have been busy working on a brand new website. It is called naughtyornice and you will be able to nominate people to be on it!

It's very exciting and the grotto's IT lab is a hive of activity. I look forward to telling you more in the coming days!

Santa.

Ban Harry Potter?!?!

2006-10-05T14:57:00.000-07:00

Laura Mallory of Atlanta G.A. makes Santa's Naughty list today.

Nobody but nobody, embodies family values your bearded friend here. My whole year is geared to that one day during which I get to make all the people (who deserve it) happy. Some may consider my expectation that we treat one another with respect and kindness a little quaint and old fashioned but one thing I don't ever do restrict peoples choices. If people behave badly they get a lump of coal at xmas but they have chosen that action and they have chosen to deal with those consequences. Namely a sooty stocking.

Laura Mallory on the other hand believes that if we don't subscribe to exactly the way she thinks life should be lived then we should have the choice not to, taken away from us.

Laura who lives in a small suburban county has just asked her local Gwinnett County Board of Education to ban the Harry Potter books from it's schools. Why, you might reasonably ask? Well because apparently the popular fiction series is an "evil" attempt to indoctrinate children in the Wicca or witchcraft religions.

Perhaps this only the start of her crusade, maybe she wants the schools to remove all books containing reference to witches, she's merely starting with Harry Potter and moving on to "Macbeth" and "Cinderella."

It's clearly madness. The Harry Potter books are fantastic and there will be many of them in my sack this Christmas for children (and adults) on the nice list, but most worrying is the fact that Laura Mallory has such an elavated sense of self-importance that she feels she is qualified to provide moral leadership to the Children of Gwinnett County.

She isn't, true role models don't censor the opinions of those that don't share our own.

Santa always tells you to keep your moral compasses pointed at the North Pole, well, Mrs Mallory yours appears to be broken. My pen is working fine though, and its putting your name on the naughty list.

Santa

Queen of Suburbia takes on the mafia mums!

2006-10-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

Hi again, slight change of pace today, I thought we'd take a look at the fashion scene. I've mentioned her before but new English designer Queen of Suburbia has developed a product I love. Shes set for big big things and hers is a great story. People get on the Nice list for a variety of reasons, re-discovering a god given talent is one such way.

At the height of the summer of 2003 and as part of their prelude to a kiss, Britney Spears and Madonna sent each other messages via the t-shirts they wore.

Well, it seems that this Autumn season, we'll be wearing our thoughts on our chests once again. One of the key looks right now is the re-birth of the Slogan T-Shirt. Katherine Hamnet amoungst others has just re-released her politically aware range and it seems that others are set to follow.

Part of this new wave is hot English Designer, Queen of Suburbia. Yet, her influences are a little closer to home. It's playground rather than global politics that have provided souces of inspiration. So much so, that she "unretired" to launch the brand.

Queen of Suburbia creator Danielle Tomkinson had worked for several top London designers including Joe Casley-Hayford and 16-47 but became disenchanted by the Fashion industry and left to start a family. Fast forward several years and now with two school-age children, Danni has found her creative juices stimulated again by the "Mafia Mums" in the school playground.
"Anywhere you get a group of people, you are bound to be able to see a politically charged environment, the mums in the playground fascinated me" explains Danni, who goes to say "From the first day at school, you could see groups and alliances forming, political machinations - even feuds!

This environment made Danni want to design again. "it occurred to me that these women were effectively sending each other messages through the clothes they wore, who they stood with, and especially who they didn't stand with! It appealed to my sense of humour, so I thought why not make that communication a bit more overt? I started to develop slogans around the messages I thought they were sending. That's where "clique of one" and "wife with a life" came from and of course the levels of competition amoungst Mums making the school run spawned the "Queen of Suburbia" brand name."

Danni is now thoroughly enjoying her designing again, and a limited edition range of her t-shirts can be found at http://www.queenofsuburbia.com. Danni says that she has many more designs in the pipeline and there are plans for a competition to allow web visitors to pick which of her "arch" t-shirts she commissions first.

If you are short of ideas for Christmas presents then a queen of suburbia slogan t-shirt could be just the thing.

Santa.

A bride, some pride and a wild ride.

2006-10-02T14:42:00.000-07:00

If you've ever watched a Christmas movie, you'll know that adversity is the mother of invention, and so it proved for the two Kyles featured in today's Naughty or Nice blog.

Kyle Macdonald was sat looking at his desk on July 12th half-heartedly looking for jobs when he spied a little red paper clip. He took a photo of it and posted it on hs website oneredpaperclip.com His ingenious idea was to try to see what he could swap it for. Two local ladies offered him a pen shaped like a fish, which he then traded for a doorknob, and then a camping stove. At that point Kyle decided to keep trading until he got to a house!

In the meantime, the media picked up on his story and he was soon receiving over 100000 visitors a day to his website. Eventually, Kyle ended up with a snow globe (they make great xmas presents, you know). He traded that with a Hollywood Movie Producer for a small speaking role. From there, the community development officer in the small Canadian town of Kipling showing a good degree on ingenuity himself offered Kyle a house in return for the movie part. Kyle had acheived his goal.

When Kyle arrived in Kipling to take residence he was greeted by over 500 people, a row of mounted police and the town Mayor. Exactly 365 days since he'd started with one red paper clip.

Just a stunning example what you can do with a an idea and some bravery. And that's why Kyle deserves his place on this years Nice list.

Another Kyle destined for the Nice list is Kyle Paxman of Vermon USA. At 29, Kyle felt ready to settle down and was engaged to be married. Those plans were destroyed when a stranger appeared and showed her stack of emails and text messages that proved her husband to be was cheating on her. Naturally she cut off all contact with he bethrothed, and indeed such is her class, that she has refused to name him. (A wish that I will respect, although of course being Santa, I know who he is and that he shouldn't bother opening his Christmas presents on Christmas Day!) Rather than get all Jennifer Aniston and mope around the house feeling sorry for herself, Kyle decided to turn adversity into triumph.

Brave Kyle went ahead with the day, only without a Groom. She turned her wedding breakfast into a charity auction and promptly raise $20000 for women's and children's charities. That's a great way of getting onto the Nice list.

Santa will make sure the two Kyles are looked after this Christmas.

Keep those moral compasses pointed at the North Pole.

Santa Claus.

Full Moon In Liverpool

2006-10-01T15:08:00.000-07:00

Santa hates it when folk don't learn the error of their ways. Footballer Joey Barton is no stranger to the naughty list. Previous offences include stubbing a lit cigar out in the eye of a team-mate. But Santa recognises when people are trying to get back on the nice list by modifiying their behaviour, and Joey appeared to be headed towards that particular goal. Until yesterday.
Games between Liverpool sides and Manchester sides provoke a lot of emotion. Most of it manifests itself as hatred, and lord knows it can't be easy playing football whilst sustaining a torrid level of abuse. But footballers have a responsibility to rise above it. Joey Barton felled shorts of those standards yesterday by exposing his backside to Everton fans. For that he heads to the naughty list.

Santa.

Nice insider secrets.

2006-09-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

Its a very short blog today because I've got to oversee a consignment of Pixel Chicks that have just come into the Grotto.

I'm going to take the unusual step of not naming him today, but on my nice list is "The Insider" at http://www.tyrereview.co.uk I love it when people inside an industry give outsiders a true glimpse of what really goes on. We all know that many garages, tyre stores and car dealerships (yes I'm looking at you Parkway Volkswagen Derby - Santa sees all) so when somebody shows you how to avoid getting ripped off but at the same time buy cheap tyres then I'm all for it.

Until tomorrow, Compasses, Morals, North Pole - I thank you.

Santa.

Ten Years of Nice.

2006-09-28T09:07:00.001-07:00

Today marks the tenth aniversary of Arsene Wenger's reign as Manager of Arsenal Football Club.

During this period, Wenger has transformed both Arsenal and the English Premier League whilst at the same time winning League Championships, The Uefa Cup, The FA Cup and the League Cup on several occasions. Not to mention last season leading the Gunners to their First UEFA champions league final against Barcelona.

Not for him were declarations of being "The Special One", instead this articulate man with a dry sense of humour set about revolutionising training methods and dietary regimes off the field, whilst on the field transforming "boring"Arsenal into one of the most attractive footballing sides ever seen.

Whether you are an Arsenal supporter or not, children could do a lot worse than seek to emulate this man who never puts results before principles, always publically backs his team to the hilt and quietly goes about being the best football manager and person he can be.

For unwaveringly pointing his moral compass at the North Pole, Wenger deserves his place on Santa's Nice List.

My favourite Wenger moment? In 2004 After Arsenal had gone the season unbeaten, Sir Alex Ferguson of Manchester United blustered that his team had been the better side since Christmas...Wengers response? "Every man thinks he has the prettiest wife at home".

Santa.

Ten Years of Nice.

2006-09-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

Santa vs Ryan Air.

2006-09-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

Grrr. Ryan Air! Grrr!!

I'm sorry, I have not the words at the moment to express just how much coal Ryan Air are going to be getting. But it's a lot.

Santa.

Santa's Green Suit

2006-09-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

Hi again everyone, you may noticed in my last blog where I praised Richard Branson's efforts in fighting global warming, that it is a subject dear to my heart.

Some don't consider it an important issue. TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson for instance openly boasts about leaving the water running whilst cleaning his teeth. (It's a good thing he knows where the tap is because chances are, he'll be needing it to wash the coal off his hands come Christmas morning) but here in the North Pole, I have an up close and personal perspective on our planet's rising temperatures.

Thankfully, most of us accept that something must be done. The question is precisely what? I decided todays blog would be dedicated to helping you reduce the size of your carbon footprint.
I'm taking off the red and white suit for the day and donning a green one. Almost everything we do has an impact on the environment but some choices are better than others. Following even just a few of these suggestions could help you get a place the Nice list.

1. Ride a bike. The benefits are multiple. Car emissions = loads, bike emissions = zero and if you're not old enough to drive yet, then spending time on your bike rather than watching TV or playing on that Playstation will still save electricity. Then, there are benefits in terms of happiness - exercise not only gets you fit, it makes you happier too. Bikes are cool. Check out this one to see what I mean!

2. Use organic toiletries, brands like Dr Hauschka, Lavera and Spiezia have organic make-up and soaps.Check out SoOrganic.com for a thorough listing.

3. Buy your clothes from companies like new English designer Queen of Suburbia who has a range of cool slogan t-shirts, that use organic cotton and still keep you looking cool. The chemicals and pesticides used to grow non-organically grown cotton account pollute waterways, kill wildlife and damage human health. Cotton is also a really thirsty crop and takes up valuable water supplies in developing nations. Also try gossypium and americanapparel for more fashionable, affordable and environmentally aware clothing. For shoes try Beyond Skin or Fair Deal Trading

4. Take a good look at your bank. If you don't want your money funding a dam-building project or buying missiles for a small African nation then pick an ethical bank. Switch to the Nationwide Building Society or the Co-Operative bank.

5. Turn things off - not put them on Stand-by. In the UK alone 8% of energy supplied to UK households is wasted by TVs, DVD Players etc being left on stand-by. Thats the equivalet of 4million tonnes of Carbon Dioxide every year. What's more, if we all switch off, our electrical bills will come down.

6. Shower rather than take a bath. A shower uses 35 litres of water, a deep bath uses 80 litres.

7. If it's yellow, let it mellow. Your toilet uses about 20-25% of the water you consume every day, cutting out the odd flush would make a significant difference to that.

8. Grow some tomatos or other vegetables. It's a fun thing to do with small children, they get the enjoyment of seeing something grow, you save money on groceries and Wal-Mart don't need to spend a fortune transporting fruit and veg thousands of miles over air land and sea in refrigerated units that are definetely not envirnmentally friendly! At the very least buy as much as you can from local producers especially your christmas dinner!

9. Recycle. Print on both sides of the paper, use the bottle bank, repair clothes, learn how to sew a button onto a shirt. Schools are always looking for paper for drawing - let them have some of yours from work rather than throwing it away.

10. Turn the heating down. Just one degree will make a difference and if you find that it doesn't make your life unbearable, try another degree. I live in the North Pole, I wear thick clothes and my thermost never goes past 20 degrees.

The best possible baby oil for your little one? Olive Oil. Take a tour of an eco-house, adopt an animal, there are a million things you can do. I've suggested ten, do five of them, heck just do one. You'll be saving the planet without having to wear your underpants outside of your trousers and you'll be closer to getting what you want for Christmas.

Santa

Virgin On Great!

2006-09-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

Some love him, some hate him but without question Sir Richard Branson has earned his place on the Nice List with today's announcement that he intends to invest $3bn dollars into fighting global warning.

The Virgin boss said he would commit all profits from his travel firms, such as airline Virgin Atlantic and Virgin Trains, over the next 10 years.

"We must rapidly wean ourselves off our dependence on coal and fossil fuels," Sir Richard said.
The funds will be invested in schemes to develop new renewable energy technologies, through an investment unit called Virgin Fuels. He went on to say that transport and energy companies "must be at the forefront of developing environmentally friendly business strategies".

The churlish amoungst us might suggest that its easy for a man worth $3bn himself to donate that sort of money. That would be missing the point. As a guy who lives in the North Pole most of the year, i've seen first hand the damage melting polar caps can do.

I've got a vested interest in this issue, the Reindeer need lots of unmelted glaciers to exercise on to get them in peak condition for Christmas Eve.

Mr Branson's investment pledge comes after US billionaire investor Warren Buffett announced in June that he was donating $37bn to charity.

Mr Buffett gave the money to the charitable foundation run by Microsoft founder Bill Gates, which works to reduce global poverty and improve health and access to education.

Mr Gates himself said in July that the charity, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, was pledging $287m in a bid to speed-up the development of a vaccine for the HIV/Aids virus.

Sir Richard has previously given money to educational charities in Africa.

Truly men with their moral compasses pointed at the North Pole.

Santa.

High School Musical to my earsl

2006-09-20T06:10:00.000-07:00

It's time to forgive Kenny Ortega for the crimes he inflicted on humanity with Dirty Dancing.

He's struck gold with his new Disney movie "High School Musical".

On paper the concept of Gabriella (a geek) and Troy (a dude) transcending their stereotypes and overcoming obstacles, letting their voices soar whilst they try to convince a disbelieving world that they belong in a high school musical shouldn't work. But it does.

Somehow a musical can uplift the heart of even the sourest cynic. When it ran in the US viewers outside of the usual Disney demographic found themselves sniffing and blowing their streaming noses at the end of high school musical (not me - someone I know, what an idiot!) and it's effect on the pre-teen population was the equivalent of an earthquake! The DVD is the fastest selling TV movie DVD of all time, it's the biggest Album of the year in the US despite not getting any airplay on the big American radio stations. I'm glad they are not heavy, because Santa's toy sack is going to be bulging with them this Christmas.

Truly a phenomenon the likes of which we haven't seen for some time. In this polarised world where the concept of the family settling down all together to watch a TV show seemed long gone, it's a breath of fresh air. Ortega earns his spot on the nice list.

Family time should be all year round, not just at Christmas. High School Musical is on in the UK this Friday at 6pm on the Disney Channel. Why not get a vat of popcorn, gather up the family and watch it together?

Keep those moral compasses pointed at the North Pole!

Santa.

Sack this Buda Pest.

2006-09-13T01:28:00.000-07:00

Sack This Buda Pest...
If there’s one thing guaranteed to get ol’ Santa reaching for the coal sack it’s a big fat fibber.

Latest addition to my naughty list is Hungarian Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsany (try saying that after a few sherries)...

Mr Gyurcsany admitted in a taped conversation that his party “lied in the morning”, and “lied in the evening” to get people to vote for them in Hungarian elections last April. Now a politician’s porkies shouldn’t come as any great surprise to anyone. But the big plonker’s refusal to resign over the scandal has caused riots on the streets of Budapest. And that doesn’t square with the Claus’ vision of peace on earth and goodwill to all men.

If he’s not gone by December I’ll give him the sack myself – an empty one.

Keep those moral compasses pointed at the North Pole.

Santa.

Who wants to be Chris Tarrant?

2006-09-12T16:04:00.000-07:00

Chris Tarrant has been turfed out of his marital home and onto the Naughty List after being caught fondling a mystery blonde.

The "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" host has been forced to sleep elsewhere for the last eight nights after a spate of furious rows with 2nd wife, Ingrid.

Tensions came to a head when the TV presenter (60 years old, this year) was spotted partying with an unknown woman in the trendy "R Bar" near his home in Esher, Surrey, after a day spent drinking.

The star was only spared further embarrassment when somebody phoned a friend (his stepdaughter Fia) who turned up and dragged him home.

Yesterday, Mrs Tarrant said her husband had behaved like a 'twit' when he went out on a pub crawl following a family row.

Whilst Ingrid has denied that their 15-year marriage is on the rocks, Santa finds himself wondering if that is her final answer. It would also be remiss not to point out her very poor spelling.

Keep those moral compasses pointed at the North Pole.

Santa.

Santa is a Gooner!

2006-09-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

What, the red and white were not enough of a clue? Let me spell it out, I, Santa aka Kris Kringle am an Arsenal fan.

I'm also custodian of the naughty or nice list. So i'm honour bound to let you know my take on the Ashley Cole situation. For those unfamiliar with the saga, Mr Cole received an offer of a new contract with Arsenal Football Club, last year. An agreement was made to double Coles wages to around 60k a week. Then the subject of his agents fees came up - around 5k a week. Arsenal told Cole that he would have to pay his agents fees - not they.

In Cole's mind, this represented the green light to go and meet Chelsea football club namely Peter Kenyon and Jose Mourinho in an unauthorised meeting to discuss a transfer. In English football it is illegal to meet another club without the permission of your current club. Cole knew that, Coles agent knew that, as did Chelsea. They chose to ignore that rule. To make it worse, this meeting took place 5 days before Arsenal were due to play Manchester United in a very important game. Of course both the press and Arsenal found out.

When the story was leaked Mourinho claimed to have been in Milan meeting Adriano. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he likely meant this as a tongue in cheek comment about the number of players that he and Chelsea are linked to. Even so, it reflected badly on him and his club.

That then started silly season. Arsenal reported Cole, his agent Barnett and Chelsesa to the English Football Association and those parties were subject to punishment. Cole then claimed he wouldn't sign a new contract at Arsenal even if they offered him £200k. He decided that The News of the World was the appropriate forum to make that declaration.

There followed a summer of on-again/off-again stories regarding a move to Chelsea. A move that finally went though on Transfer Deadline Day.

That should have been the end of it...but it wasn't. Cole at the weekend took part in a press conference where he offered to "forgive Arsenal but not forget". He didn't answer direct questions about the illegal meeting with Chelsea but instead pointed everybody to his tell-all book scheduled for imminent release and serialisation in the Times. He then claimed "not to be greedy - the move wasn't for money it was to be part of a successful Chelsea".

Ignoring the fact that his issue with Arsenal was about money - the fact that he misses the irony in refusing to answer questions about his meeting with Chelsea so as to sell a few more copies of book and then in the same press conference claims "not to be greedy" is breathtaking.

For that Messrs Cole, Barnett, Kenyon and Mourinho are all scheduled to receive a lump of coal this Christmas.

Keep your moral compasses pointing at the North Pole.

Santa.

Santa's Curse?

2006-09-08T07:20:00.000-07:00

Paris Hilton must have been feeling left out . No sooner did I mention her as the wronged party in the CD swapping incident with Banksy then she goes and does something to get herself on the list! Paris swears she only had one Magaurita but she tested positive for DUI. Well she gets her wish, Paris is officially very naughty.

Driving under the influence is certainly naughty but then so is rolling up your window, trapping a policemans arm who is trying to give you a ticket and then driving off! Like Sol Marie Perez who clearly has no need to be looking skyward come Christmas Eve.

Ordinairly I like to dispense justice on a Christmas Eve but I have no problem with Kickboxing Champ Paul Borchardt who decided to make it a bit more immediate when three thugs tried to steal his phone. So he makes my nice list. Its not my favourite mugging story though...I liked magician David Copperfield's approach best - he simply made his wallet disappear!

I appear on the same urination schedule as the Elf I like least today. I hate it when that happens.

Keep that moral compass pointed at the North Pole.

S. Claus.

Be Nice to Paris!

2006-09-06T01:39:00.000-07:00

Poor Paris Hilton. It's bad enough that she was turned away from Bungalow 8 in tears the other night, now it seems that she has been targetted for a cruel practical joke by "guerilla artist" Banksy. Full details can be found here but basically he's created an "alternate" version of Paris's new album and then substituted it for some of original copies in stores like HMV and Vigin Megastore. Very naughty Mr Banksy - quite funny but still very naughty.

Till tomorrow - keep your moral compass pointed at the North Pole.

S.

A tale of two greenbergs.

2006-09-05T01:14:00.000-07:00

Glum faces all round today. First day back at school in the UK. Fear not though, soon be Christmas.

The first Greenberg to make the naughty list today is Simon Greenberg of Chelsea Football Club. According to PR Week his remit is to go on a "charm offensive". Quite how publically slating William Gallas demonstrates that charm is beyond me. They accused Gallas of threatening to score an own goal or get himself sent off if they picked him. Frankly he isn't the first employee to tell his boss to stick it and he probably won't be the last.

Contrast that with the dignity that Arsenal showed toward Ashley Cole who treated them far worse in my opinion than Gallas did Chelsea. Mr Greenberg has got his work cut out for him, lets hope the bumper salary Chelsea are paying him compensates for the lack of Christmas presents.

Add to the naughty list artist Jill Greenberg (no relation to Simon). Her contribution to the arts consists of giving a toddler a lollipop then snatching it away from them, making them distraught and photographing their reactions. She claims its a metaphor for American foreign policy. I claim its a cheap and sensationalist attempt to stir up controversy. There is enough cruelty in the world to photograph without setting about creating your own.

On Christmas Eve Jill, I'll make sure that you hear the bells on the sleigh as I land on your roof....i'll then fly off leaving you only a lump of coal. Then you'll know how those children felt.

s.

That nice Agassi

2006-09-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

In a sport that over recent years has lacked personality, Andre Agassi stood out. He was a counter-puncher when Tennis became dominated by serve volleyers, his blistering double handed backhand is as perfect a shot as Tennis has ever seen.

Always the best chance we had of seeing Pistol Pete Sampras gunned down, Agassi would surely have won even more Grand Slam titles were it not for the unfortuante genetic accident that meant he shared an era with the most complete Tennis player that ever lived. Even so, he conducted his career with class and dignity and for that he's on Santa's nice list.

S.

Is TV Naughty?

2006-09-03T13:25:00.000-07:00

I hate starting on a downer but I simply have to put AOL on the naughty list. I'm a patient guy, I understand things sometimes go wrong. Like my broadband connection, four months ago.
What I don't accept is that it is still not working. Imagine if I was that bad at my job? I'm not planning to leave them a lump of coal though, on no! Instead, they shall receive their presents round about April 25th.

As I've started with the naughty ones, I'm also going to add Lily Allen to the list. She wasn't smiling when she spat at Peaches Geldof last week was she? And she won't be smiling if she doesn't get back in my good books.

On to my main point of the day...kudos to Selina Scott who last week very succinctly aired her frustrations on the the state of Television. I don't mean that clumsy repairmen dented the side. What she was talking about was the fact that we were promised the proliferation of channels wouldn't hurt quality...that instead we'd be able to find programmes that appealed to own own niches tastes. Yet, somehow we've ended up with Eastenders and Coronation Street on virtually every night, very silly game shows and reality TV all pandering to the lowest common denominator. She was wrong about one thing though, she said that there are no good women role models on TV...au contraire, women can be Lawyers, FBI agents, Press Secretaries, Vampire Slaying Cheerleaders, even the President (Geena Davis) as long as they are American. Women like Lauren Graham on Gillmore Girls or Allison Janey as C.J. on The West Wing are great female role models, smart, funny, beautiful. Why aren't there British equivalents? Instead the brits get "Bad Girls" and "Footballers Wives".

Got to go, production is nearly at full capcity here in the North Pole...Don't worry though we're making those Robospaiens as fast as we can!

S.

Naughty Sporty.

2006-08-30T04:30:00.000-07:00

A bit of a sport themed naughty or nice today.

Firstly, the English Football Season is underway and already we've seen some additions to the naughty list. Ben Thatcher of Manchester City is the most obvious candidate for his horror "tackle" on Pedro Mendes of Portsmouth. Thuggery pure and simple, a flying elbow smash unprovoked that could have had very serious consequences. Footballers for all the money they earn, have a short career and there has to be a degree of trust between them that they seek not to deliberately harm each other. Its big business yes, but at the end of the day its a sport and the win at all costs mentality will see you with a lump of coal in your Christmas Stocking Mr Thatcher!

That goes the same for Micheal Brown of Charlton as well for his stamp on Ryan Giggs. That has no place in football and you were lucky to escape with a yellow card. You don't escape the naughty list though. Santa sees everything.

If you ever needed proof that cheats never prosper look to the example of Justin Gatlin. The details are still yet to become clear but its apparent that somebody has tried to cheat. It may have been Justin, it may have been his coach, either way, all involved are on the naughty list pending futher review.

Naughty Darryl Hair the Australian Umpire is another one I'm watching. You were right to accuse Pakistan of cheating and ball tampering if you felt that is what they were doing, however your conduct since then has been naughty especially asking for a pay-off. The worst thing about it is that it has taken the attention away from Pakistans shameful decision not to continue the match against England. Not Santas attention though. For depriving thousands of paying fans the opportunity to watch an afternoons cricket. Pakistan's cricket team deserve their spot on the naughty list!

On the nice list at the moment, even though he's usually a permanent member of the naughty list is World Wrestling Entertainment Owner Vincent K. Macmahon. Vince has done the right thing and released Kurt Angle from his contract. Kurt is possibly the finest Wrestler of his generation, an Olympic Gold Medal winner and a multiple WWE Champion. But it is clear that he is heading down a road that would see him join the likes Curt Henning, Rick Rude, Davey Boy Smith, Brian Pillman and Eddie Guerrero in the great wrestling ring in the sky. Angle's body is banged up and he allegedly has a serious painkiller addiction. Removing him from the roster was a decent kind and humane action and for the time being Vince earns his place on the Nice List.

Finally Roy Keane another one who's not a stranger to the naughty list finds himself on the nice list. His first act as the new Sunderland Manager was to apologise to Sir Alex Ferguson for his part in the fall out that saw him leave Old Trafford. It was a classy thing to do.

Thats all for today, production is ramping up in the Grotto. Be nice.

S.

Nasa is naughty!

2006-08-14T13:10:00.000-07:00

There are some days when you just raise your eyes to the heavens in astonishment. Today is such a day. NASA have admitted losing the original footage on the moon landing. You know the one where a generation that could barely make a decent washing machine assembled the parts in the right order that would allow them to land on the moon (and get back).

Yep that tape, they lost it.

"One small step"for mankind, one giant leap backwards for NASA's storage systems. The worst bit about it is that we'll now have to to listen to all the crackpots come out of the woodwork telling us about how it was one big hoax in the first place, that it was actually filmed in a studio.

Well done Nasa, you make the naughty list. To get back on the nice list, you're going to have to find evidence of extraterrestrial life, and fast.

On the nice list are Nikki and Pete from Big Brother in the UK.

Often that show gets a very bad press. Its remit now seems to be to assemble the most unlikeable bunch of people in the UK in one room and make them compete to see who is actually the most unlikeable. What started out as a unique social experiment somehow got perverted into a ratings chasing, bottom feeding, pond dwelling excuse for entertainment.

Yet, this weekends reunion between Pete and Nikki was one of the sweetest most human things I've seen on TV for a long time. Young love is always on the nice list.

S.

Who's Naughty, who's Nice?

2006-08-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

You know who I am right?

I'll give you a couple of clues...I keep two lists, one tells me who is naughty and one tells me who is nice. Which list you are on determines whether you get a visit from me on Christmas Eve. Oh and I like red.

So why am I breaking radio silence to bring you this blog? Well, its quite simple really...I think it's important that folk understand throughout the course of the year which list they are sat on so as they might mend their ways.

I'll give you a snapshot of some of the people that make the lists over on http:www.naughtyornice.co.uk and why!

Some things obviously go beyond the term "naughty" for example, plotting to blow up 100's of innocent civilians going on their holidays is beyond naughty and as such I don't intend to downgrade such evil as merely naughty. But connected to that particular instance, Tony Blair might make the naughty list based on the fact that he is sat on a beach in Barbados whilst his electorate trying to do the same have to accept long delays as the result of his stance on the "war on terror".

I hope that clarifies things.

S.